What can I say? I have real talent.
I'm considering offering my services to people who need awkward situations made awkwarder.
What can I say? I have real talent.
Let me say this first: I'm not making this up. Not even a teeny tiny bit. Now, I've heard some crazy stuff in my time on this planet, but today's headline make me do a legitimate double take. Here's the story in all its glory:
Florida man shot by his dog, police say
A Florida man was shot and wounded over the weekend by his dog, who walked away without charges, police said.
Gregory Dale Lanier, 35, of Frostproof, Fla., told police Saturday that he and his dog were in their truck in nearby Sebring when the dog kicked a gun that was on the truck's floor.
The gun went off, shooting Lanier in the leg, Sebring police said.
Lanier wasn't seriously injured, said Sebring Police Cmdr. Steve Carr, who actually said police didn't arrest the dog because the investigation was pending.
He also said he had never heard of a similar case.
According to the police report, Lanier said he was driving along State Road 17 North when the dog kicked "the unloaded .380 pistol." It went on to say that Lanier was "surprised" to learn not only that the gun was loaded, but also that it was actually a 9mm weapon, not a .380.
The incident is only the latest in a string of bizarre shootings in Florida.
Sooo.....let me get this straight, the dog hasn't been charged, YET, because the investigation is pending. Hmm...ok.
Now this one has me scratching my head. The guy shot was "surprised" that he was shot by a 9mm weapon and not a .380. It is HIS gun, but he has no clue what type of gun it is?
My favorite part of this story: this is only the latest in a string of bizarre shootings in Florida. Wow.
This is bizarre and completely unusual, and this is coming for a girl who thinks she's a stormtrooper.
I'm sitting here bored with my sprained knee all wrapped up, so what else would I do but search the great wide world of inter-web for something interesting to occupy my time? I stumbled upon a cute video of polar bears frolicking and that led to looking at copious pictures of polar bears in various states of cuteness. Polar bears really are adorable. Except when they are hunting and eating, but that is an entirely separate conversation. Yep, not gonna discuss THAT right now.
Anyway, as I was enjoying all the adorable polar bear pictures I stumbled upon one so unbelievable, so shocking, so obviously photo shopped, that it led me to question why someone would do anything this devious. It's almost too shocking to describe, but I will. I saw actual photos of polar bears drinking.....drinking......water.
Gasp! Water? This must be a government cover-up, or trick of some kind. EVERYONE knows polar bears ONLY drink Coca Cola, right?
This is an open note to any and all millionaires & billionaires.
After seriously considering all that you can do with your immense wealth, I've decided that if you don't have a bookcase secret passageway that spins into another room, you should give me your money immediately. You're obviously spending it wrong.
Our adventure today was made possible by an incredibly generous and kind friend who gave Maymay tickets to the Titanic exhibition at the Franklin Institute. THANK YOU Kyle! I hope you and your beautiful family know how much we appreciate your kindness.
As we walked into the Franklin Institute, complete dread set in the pit of my stomach. There were hundreds of people in the front lobby. If that many people were just in the lobby, this was going to be an extraordinary crowded day. Turns out that most of the crowd were in line for tickets. Lucky for us we already had tickets, so we got to bypass the huge never-ending line and go to a long but faster moving line. DQ took Maymay and her friend over to the steps to sit and wait while I navigated the queue to get our timed tickets. By the time I made it to the front I was a nervous wreck. The place was getting more crowded by the minute and Maymay has a huge issue with crowds. And people. And crowds of people. Anyway, the lady asked me what time we'd like to go through the exhibit. I decided to ask her advice on what to do. Turns out one of the directors was at the counter handling a situation so she came over and, after talking with me for a bit, asked me to meet her at 5:30pm and she'd have us go in with the last group, which should be smaller than the 250-300 group average they had been sending in.
So we start wandering around and stopping at anything that caught Maymay's attention. The friend that we brought with us had never been there before, so the girls were having a blast exploring and playing. Somehow we managed to go the opposite way from most of the crowd. I don't know how we got this lucky, but I wasn't about to waste a moment questioning it.
I'm not sure if they always have paper making, but they should. All three girls just had to make paper, had fun and learned something. The volunteer working the station was hysterical and told really lame jokes. It was awesome.
We headed out to the observatory for solar observing. They had the refracting telescope set up so you could see sun spots. Maymay seriously loved it. She had to almost be physically removed and didn't want to leave. Of course she asked me to get her a telescope. I wonder if she thinks I'd get her one of these bad boys? Nah...
We moved on to the sports challenge room. Now, let me say this. Maymay doesn't like sports. Not even a little. She did love riding the mechanical surfboard. I was extremely impressed with her balance and seeing her giggle made my day. We then headed to the train room to play on old trains, and then off to the airshow room to play with all kinds of random flying things. We also stumbled into Sir Isaac's loft to see the science of ships. Maymay had a blast learning morse code, and now I'm waiting for her to ask me for a transmitter.
I got lucky and found a quiet corner so the kids could eat a snack and get a break. I can't get over how crowded it was and how we managed to avoid most of it. Wherever we saw lines, we went the other way. Maymay didn't get cranky once, and I had quite a few interesting conversations with other parents.
We headed over to meet the director from earlier, and the night manager was waiting for us. She said they had a surprise for us, which made Maymay "flappy happy". The manager took us the super secret way (that made Maymay BEYOND excited) through staff only accesses. When she got us there she let me know they decided to give us VIP treatment - a private tour. We had the entire exhibit to ourselves and a security guard. She said they wanted Maymay to take her time and get to see everything she wanted to see. The guard and Maymay hit it off instantly and he let Maymay break a few rules and touch things that shouldn't be touched and go behind the ropes to see stuff. My kiddo looked at EVERYTHING. She read everything there was to read, looked at each and every artifact and told us the facts she knew about it. The guard was impressed and tried to out-fact her. Yeah, he lost the fact war. We pretended we were on the ship and went up and down the grand staircase. We then had a contest to see who could walk down the staircase like they belonged in first class. Yeah, Maymay won that too. I think the guard chose her because he was bonding with Berry. The iceberg was cool (see what I did there?) and we had to play with it for a bit. Another guard joined our party and we all played with the iceberg until our hands were frozen. They had a few interactive videos and even a 3D video that Maymay sat and watched. I was starting to rush her and the guard stopped me and said they wanted her to take her time and see everything. So I relaxed and let her explore it all. We stayed in the exhibit for THREE HOURS. (It was estimated to be about an hour in length) Maymay was in her happy place and legitimately saw everything there was to see. After I thanked them for their kindness and we started heading out, I realized we were the last people left in the museum. We walked through the darkened lobby and made jokes about being locked inside. It was a wonderful day. Matter of fact, even the parking ticket I got didn't dampen my mood one bit. My kiddo was allowed to roam the entire exhibit with no restrictions and without anyone getting in her way. I can't think of a better way to spend a day off from work.
Someday I will meet a man who loves me for exactly who I am and supports all my hopes and dreams. He will have a strong shoulder to lean on and find little ways to make me smile. His sense of humor will keep me laughing and he will understand my desire to cook together and spend time doing the mundane things that make life special and meaningful. He will appreciate my nerdy side, hold me as I cry for no reason, and always remember to keep ice cream in the house.
And I'll think, something MUST be wrong with this one.